There are so many things that I don’t know, and so many questions I can’t answer. When I look back over my life, there seem to be so many points at which I can stop and ask one simple question.
And when I look forward into an uncertain future, there is always one questions that tries to appear.
The only certainty in life is changed, be that good or bad, and the times that affect us the most, are the times we can’t control.
If my life were a road, it would be a narrow mountainous path, with bends in it the entire way, a rock face on the right, and a sheer drop to the left. I can never see around the corner, and the threat of death is constantly there. It’s an uphill struggle.
If I drive on my own, my destruction could lie around the next corner. But I have a driver.
He created this road, he knows exactly where it’s going, and he knows where I have to stop. I have to place my trust in that driver, my God, knowing that if I try to wrestle the wheel from him, we will crash. Or we will fall. I trust that God knows what He’s doing. That the journey he’s chosen is best.
I trust that God is good. Wait. I know that God is good. Even when I don’t understand. And I don’t understand.
My history is young, my story is still being written. It is made up of laughter, struggles, achievements, tears, pride, sorrow and joy. Every time I stop and my mouth begins to form the question I always ask when the history books are opened, it’s like God pulls out a mirror and I look.
And I see a young mature girl who delights in the Lord. A piece of clay that has been moulded by the creator through different events. I recognise the principles and values that I have learnt through my struggles and I see the shallow person that I would be without them.
I am who I am because of what my Jesus has led me through.
When I think about the story that has yet to be written, I realise I can only fulfil God’s plans by being who I am. My experiences, which have formed me, will also have their place in my future. Though I don’t know what that will be, and indeed, I never fully will. I can only continue on my journey by coming this far.
My driver sees beyond every corner, and his wisdom is infinite. I trust him completely. He knows what I need, and he slows down for the bends.
So for now, I will trust Him with my past. I will trust Him with my future. I will turn the car stereo on. I will sit back in my chair, close my eyes and sleep, knowing that my daddy is watching me and smiling. And until he says that we’ve arrived home, this journey will continue.